M ChanPodcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Email | TuneIn | Deezer | RSS | More
This is my tenth episode with Coach Dan John and it is my favorite so far. Be ready to cry, laugh, and think with us during this hour.
Dan is extremely thoughtful and insightful and I have been on an extraordinary journey with him in exploring the philosophies of The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White.
I am fascinated by the parallels between the stories in the book and how it pertains to modern life. In this episode we explore a simple quote in the book: “It is unfair.”
Those three words are the catalyst to an in-depth philosophical discussion on life lessons and education. I absolutely love this conversation and will be thinking about it for a long time.
Coach Dan John is a world-renowned strength coach and mentor to many in the fitness industry. Dan has competed at the highest levels of Olympic lifting, Highland Games, and the Weight Pentathlon. He has authored numerous books and continues to educate through his coaching and workshops worldwide.
One of the ways I am able to keep this podcast going is through the supporters on Patreon. If you have been enjoying these conversations as much as I have, you can donate to the show on my website or Patreon.com/sifumimichan to donate.
For comments or suggestions, please reach out on social media @sifumimichan.
Discussed in this episode:
The Sword in the Stone, T.H. White
Oscar’s Chris Rock and Will Smith controversy
Dan John’s notes on the passage we discuss in this episode:
“Oh, shut up,” said the Wart. “I’m sleepy.”
Kay said, “Wake up, wake up, you beast. Where have you been?”
“I shan’t tell you.”
He was sure that Kay would not believe the story, but only call him a liar and get angrier than ever.
“If you don’t tell me I shall kill you.”
“You will not, then.”
“I will.”
The Wart turned over on his other side.
“Beast,” said Kay. He took a fold of the Wart’s arm between the nails of first finger and thumb, and pinched for all he was worth. Wart kicked like a salmon which has been suddenly hooked, and hit him wildly in the eye. In a trice they were out of bed, pale and indignant, looking rather like skinned rabbits—for in those days, nobody wore clothes in bed—and whirling their arms like windmills in the effort to do each other a mischief.
Kay was older and bigger than the Wart, so that he was bound to win in the end, but he was more nervous and imaginative. He could imagine the effect of each blow that was aimed at him, and this weakened his defence. Wart was only an infuriated hurricane.
“Leave me alone, can’t you?” And all the while he did not leave Kay alone, but with head down and swinging arms made it impossible for Kay to do as he was bid. They punched entirely at each other’s faces.
Kay had a longer reach and a heavier fist. He straightened his arm, more in self-defence than in anything else, and the Wart smacked his own eye upon the end of it. The sky became a noisy and shocking black, streaked outward with a blaze of meteors. The Wart began to sob and pant. He managed to get in a blow upon his opponent’s nose, and this began to bleed. Kay lowered his defence, turned his back on the Wart, and said in a cold, snuffling, reproachful voice, “Now it’s bleeding.” The battle was over.
Kay lay on the stone floor, bubbling blood out of his nose, and the Wart, with a black eye, fetched the enormous key out of the door to put under Kay’s back. Neither of them spoke.
Presently Kay turned over on his face and began to sob. He said, “Merlyn does everything for you, but he never does anything for me.”
Chapter eight and chapter nine both begin with our friend, Wart, getting on the wrong side of everyone. In chapter eight, the weather puts everyone into a foul mood and we are basically starting the next day here in chapter nine.
I do know that brothers fight. I have experienced this myself many times. This line, “Merlyn does everything for you, but he never does anything for me,” gives us an insight into the problem here: Kay is being left out, left behind.
Our adventure begins soon, but I never really appreciated this chapter very much until I slowed down to enjoy the setting. We are going to learn about Merlyn’s magic and its shortcomings. The section will be funny and there will be a good lesson about cursing. Merlyn’s conversation with Archimedes concerning a nap is laugh out loud funny for me…I swear I have had the same conversation.
So, and I am giving it away, not much happens here in chapter nine. But, this is an important transition piece from the magic of Merlyn to the magic of the Old People.
I wouldn’t recommend that someone pick up The Sword in the Stone and just read chapter nine. This chapter provides us another pause in the action and some additional background material. As readers, we are ready to understand more about White’s vision of Merlyn and his magic.
So, it might take us a bit to march through chapter nine, but it is worth it.
Presently Kay turned over on his face and began to sob. He said, “Merlyn does everything for you, but he never does anything for me.”
At this the Wart felt he had been a beast. He dressed himself in silence and hurried off to find the magician.
On the way he was caught by his nurse.
“Ah, you little helot,” exclaimed she, shaking him by the arm, “you’ve been a-battling again with that there Master Kay. Look at your poor eye, I do declare. It’s enough to baffle the college of sturgeons.”
“It is all right,” said the Wart.
“No, that it isn’t, my poppet,” cried his nurse, getting crosser and showing signs of slapping him. “Come now, how did you do it, before I have you whipped?”
“I knocked it on the bedpost,” said the Wart sullenly.
The old nurse immediately folded him to her broad bosom, patted him on the back, and said, “There, there, my dowsabel. It’s the same story Sir Ector told me when I caught him with a blue eye, gone forty years. Nothing like a good family for sticking to a good lie. There, my innocent, you come along of me to the kitchen and we’ll slap a nice bit of steak across him in no time. But you hadn’t ought to fight with people bigger than yourself.”
“It is all right,” said the Wart again, disgusted by the fuss, but fate was bent on punishing him, and the old lady was inexorable. It took him half an hour to escape, and then only at the price of carrying with him a juicy piece of raw beef which he was supposed to hold over his eye.
“Nothing like a mealy rump for drawing out the humours,” his nurse had said, and the cook had answered:
“Us han’t seen a sweeter bit of raw since Easter, no, nor a bloodier.”
“I will keep the foul thing for Balan,” thought the Wart, resuming his search for his tutor.
I find this little selection delightful. The nurse actually reminds me of my mom: she always seemed on the edge of wanting to hit me or hug me. The nurse’s response to the story of the bedpost just makes this chapter “nice:” people in White’s book are multi-layered humans with real emotions.
The nurse uses language like one of my relatives (name withheld). Whatever word comes along is just fine. I’m sure she means “hellion” versus, “helot,” as Wart isn’t a Spartan slave. “Poppet” is a word of endearment…as well as mythical creatures that live in closets and under beds. I’m sure the “College of Sturgeons” is a fine place for caviar.
Putting raw meat on black eyes was still being done in my youth. Western medicine used the four “humours” as the foundation of studying imbalances well into the past century. Blood,
Yellow bile, Black bile and Phlegm all needed to be in balance. It’s funny to go to health food stores and walk through the books that discuss ancient Indian and Chinese medicines and their emphasis on balancing food, spices and all the rest, but we tend to forget the Western medicine tradition here.
By the way, for men, donating blood is an excellent way to keep the cardiovascular system from getting too “iron rich.” I donate blood to not only help the community, but to keep my Hematocrit levels at the appropriate levels. So, yes, bloodletting has some value; just don’t drain the patient!
It is marvelous to see that Wart still wants to thank Balan for helping him during the ordeal with the hawks. As I said, this is a simple chapter and Merlyn will find some kindness in his heart for both Wart and Kay.
“I will keep the foul thing for Balan,” thought the Wart, resuming his search for his tutor.
He found him without trouble in the tower room which he had chosen when he arrived. All philosophers prefer to live in towers, as may be seen by visiting the room which Erasmus chose in his college at Cambridge, but Merlyn’s tower was even more beautiful than this. It was the highest room in the castle, directly below the look-out of the great keep, and from its window you could gaze across the open field—with its rights of warren—across the park, and the chase, until your eye finally wandered out over the distant blue tree-tops of the Forest Sauvage. This sea of leafy timber rolled away and away in knobs like the surface of porridge, until it was finally lost in remote mountains which nobody had ever visited, and the cloud-capped towers and gorgeous palaces of heaven.
Merlyn’s comments upon the black eye were of a medical nature.
“The discoloration,” he said, “is caused by haemorrhage into the tissues (ecchymosis) and passes from dark purple through green to yellow before it disappears.”
There seemed to be no sensible reply to this.
“I suppose you had it,” continued Merlyn, “fighting with Kay?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“Ah, well, there it is.”
“I came to ask you about Kay.”
“Speak. Demand. I’ll answer.”
“Well, Kay thinks it is unfair that you are always turning me into things and not him. I have not told him about it but I think he guesses. I think it is unfair too.”
“It is unfair.”
The idea of the philosopher or scholar living in an “Ivory Tower” has become a cliché in our modern speech. The roots of the term come from the Song of Solomon 7:4:
“Your neck is like a tower of ivory, Your eyes like the pools in Heshbon By the gate of Bath-rabbim; Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, Which faces toward Damascus.”
(New American Standard Bible)
The Song of Solomon has been considered “scandalous” by some due to lines like:
“Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.”
I think it is well worth reading with some of the best love poetry in history. But, let’s get back to Merlyn is his tower.
Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus (died 1536) was one of the first “humanists.” A Catholic, he was critical of the Catholic Church and called for reforms but did not leave the church. He emphasized “Via Media,” the middle road, respecting much of the work of the Reformers but also holding on to the Tradition. As always, the middle way seems to anger everyone.
Wart and Merlyn’s conversation includes many “unsaid” things. I find this particular interaction to highlight Wart’s maturation and Merlyn’s ability to see it, too. As I type this, my daughter has just had her ten-year reunion and I still worry about her riding her bike alone on the street.
“It is unfair.”
I’m not sure there are three better words to respond to injustice in this world. If Merlyn contradicts Wart here or gets enraged about “seeing the Big Picture” or whatever, he ignores Wart’s great insight:
“Well, Kay thinks it is unfair that you are always turning me into things and not him. I have not told him about it but I think he guesses. I think it is unfair too.”
Merlyn’s response is perfect: “It is unfair.”
Let’s just leave this here. Let’s let the unfairness of the situation sit for a moment.
“It is unfair.”
And sometimes, that is all we can do: admit it.
“It is unfair.”
“So will you turn us both next time that we are turned?”
Merlyn had finished his breakfast, and was puffing at the meerschaum pipe which made his pupil believe that he breathed fire. Now he took a deep puff, looked at the Wart, opened his mouth to speak, changed his mind, blew out the smoke and drew another lungful.
“Sometimes,” he said, “life does seem to be unfair. Do you know the story of Elijah and the Rabbi Jachanan?”
“No,” said the Wart.
He sat down resignedly upon the most comfortable part of the floor, perceiving that he was in for something like the parable of the looking-glass.
“This rabbi,” said Merlyn, “went on a journey with the prophet Elijah. They walked all day, and at nightfall they came to the humble cottage of a poor man, whose only treasure was a cow. The poor man ran out of his cottage, and his wife ran too, to welcome the strangers for the night and to offer them all the simple hospitality which they were able to give in straitened circumstances. Elijah and the Rabbi were entertained with plenty of the cow’s milk, sustained by home-made bread and butter, and they were put to sleep in the best bed while their kindly hosts lay down before the kitchen fire. But in the morning the poor man’s cow was dead.”
“Go on.”
“They walked all the next day, and came that evening to the house of a very wealthy merchant, whose hospitality they craved. The merchant was cold and proud and rich, and all that he would do for the prophet and his companion was to lodge them in a cowshed and feed them on bread and water. In the morning, however, Elijah thanked him very much for what he had done, and sent for a mason to repair one of his walls, which happened to be falling down, as a return for his kindness.
“The Rabbi Jachanan, unable to keep silence any longer, begged the holy man to explain the meaning of his dealings with human beings.
“‘In regard to the poor man who received us so hospitably,’ replied the prophet, ‘it was decreed that his wife was to die that night, but in reward for his goodness God took the cow instead of the wife. I repaired the wall of the rich miser because a chest of gold was concealed near the place, and if the miser had repaired the wall himself he would have discovered the treasure. Say not therefore to the Lord: What doest thou? But say in thy heart: Must not the Lord of all the earth do right?'”
“It is a nice sort of story,” said the Wart, because it seemed to be over.
Tobacco might be something that Wart would have never seen before in his life. Bob Newhart has a wonderful skit on Sir Walter Raleigh “selling” smoking to the English. Hence, Merlyn becomes “fire breather.” I struggled with this story the first few times I read it and I have to admit I had more of a “Wart-like” reaction.
“Because it seemed to be over.” I think we have all been in this situation. Someone says: “I have to tell you the funniest story….and then goes on (and on and on and on) a long painful journey with multiple parts, people you don’t know and several regressions.” Finally, “Isn’t that hilarious?”
Well, yes…yes, of course. Ha ha!
There is a great moment in the movie, Auntie Mame (1958), which is referenced in Trading Places (the Eddie Murphy/Dan Aykrod movie):
“Bunny Bixler and I were in the semi-finals – the very semi-finals, mind you – of the ping-pong tournament at the club and this ghastly thing happened. We were both playing way over our heads and the score was 29-28. And we had this really terrific volley and I stepped back to get this really terrific shot. And I stepped on the ping-pong ball! I just squashed it to bits. And then Bunny and I ran to the closet of the game room to get another ping-pong ball and the closet was locked! Imagine? We had to call the whole thing off. Well, it was ghastly. Well, it was just ghastly.”
By the way, the actress who says this in the movies has an odd legacy: Joanna Barnes was in BOTH The Parent Trap movies (1961 and 1998).
I suddenly realized I may have told you some things that were not necessarily interesting or fascinating…but it seems to be over!
Isn’t that hilarious!
I digress. As always.
There are some “complaints,” for lack of a better word, about this story. Many have taken issue with this part:
“it was decreed that his wife was to die that night, but in reward for his goodness God took the cow instead of the wife.”
It seems to be an affront those who believe in pre-destination and those who don’t believe in pre-destination, but I like the idea that we can “tip the scales” in our favor. In ancient Egypt, the dead were buried with small weights so they could tip the scales, one’s heart has to be light, in the Hall of Ma’at. Anubis reigned over this and the deceased had to review 42 separate transgressions and be innocent of these crimes. Sneaking a few weights on the scales gave you chance for a happy afterlife.
Sometimes, as White is teaching us, life is unfair. Maybe the Egyptians were on to something, but that is another discussion for another time.
“It is a nice sort of story,” said the Wart, because it seemed to be over.
“I am sorry,” said Merlyn, “that you should be the only one to get my extra tuition, but then, you see, I was only sent for that.”
“I do not see that it would do any harm for Kay to come too.”
“Nor do I. But the Rabbi Jachanan did not see why the miser should have had his wall repaired.”
“I understand that,” said the Wart doubtfully, “but I still think it was a shame that the cow died. Could I not have Kay with me just once?”
Merlyn said gently, “Perhaps what is good for you might be bad for him. Besides, remember he has never asked to be turned into anything.”
“He wants to be turned, for all that. I like Kay, you know, and I think people don’t understand him. He has to be proud because he is frightened.”
“You still do not follow what I mean. Suppose he had gone as a merlin last night, and failed in the ordeal, and lost his nerve?”
“How do you know about that ordeal?”
“Ah, well, there it is again.”
“Very well,” said the Wart obstinately. “But suppose he had not failed in the ordeal, and had not lost his nerve. I don’t see why you should have to suppose that he would have.”
“Oh, flout the boy!” cried the magician passionately. “You don’t seem to see anything this morning. What is it that you want me to do?”
“Turn me and Kay into snakes or something.”
Merlyn took off his spectacles, dashed them on the floor and jumped on them with both feet.
If there is a better line in literature than this, “Merlyn took off his spectacles, dashed them on the floor and jumped on them with both feet,” I don’t know what it is. Oh, sure, quote Shakespeare all you want, but I would argue that this is the most real line I have ever read.
And funny. And true.
Most parents, many teachers and all coaches have had this moment: the kid just won’t shut up, let it go, or leave it alone. I find this story funnier and funnier as I age; perhaps, I didn’t see the humor when I was 13.
Wart wants Merlyn to do something Merlyn cannot do.
We have all been there, I think.
I can remember a transfer student (and her mother) arguing that they didn’t need to take any of our coursework at the school because she was obviously too qualified to take basic coursework.
But she will need these classes to fulfill the graduation requirements.
“Edna doesn’t need them. She is brilliant and far ahead of any one her age.” (Actual quote)
But, if you want to go to this school, you need to take these classes.
“We just need the diploma so she can get into University XYZ.” (She didn’t get in, by the way)
But we can’t give you a diploma without classwork, testing and evaluation.
“She already knows all of this.”
This continued for a long time. I finally threw my glasses on the ground and stomped on them.
Kay is going to get his adventure. As we move forward in this story, this adventure, as well as the Boar Hunt with William Twyti, will be a chance to bring many of the story’s characters together.
In the next section, we will learn about Merlyn’s magical abilities and how he actually does magic. Wart is just beginning to discover that Merlyn has limits on his abilities. If you continue reading the rest of The Once and Future King, you will discover that Merlyn’s “overlooking” or forgetting, depending on how you read it, a key point is going to be a huge issue for King Arthur.
“Turn me and Kay into snakes or something.”
Merlyn took off his spectacles, dashed them on the floor and jumped on them with both feet.
“Castor and Pollux blow me to Bermuda!” he exclaimed, and immediately vanished with a frightful roar.
The Wart was still staring at his tutor’s chair in some perplexity, a few moments later, when Merlyn reappeared. He had lost his hat and his hair and beard were tangled up, as if by a hurricane. He sat down again, straightening his gown with trembling fingers.
“Why did you do that?” asked the Wart.
“I did not do it on purpose.”
“Do you mean to say that Castor and Pollux did blow you to Bermuda?”
“Let this be a lesson to you,” replied Merlyn, “not to swear. I think we had better change the subject.”
“We were talking about Kay.”
“Yes, and what I was going to say before my—ahem!—my visit to the still vexed Bermoothes, was this. I cannot change Kay into things. The power was not deputed to me when I was sent. Why this was so, neither you nor I am able to say, but such remains the fact. I have tried to hint at some of the reasons for the fact, but you will not take them, so you must just accept the fact in its naked reality. Now please stop talking until I have got my breath back, and my hat.”
The fact. Merlyn can NOT change Kay and that is that. But, of course, Wart, and we all have done this, won’t let “it” go. For those of you who have children, or taught or coached, know this line of thought. And, Wart needs to do the opposite of the First Law of the Foot: Let it Go!
This, I imagine, is also a great reason not to swear…if you are a magician. We are learning a lot about Merlyn’s magical abilities in this chapter. He has limits and he seems to know them well.
“I have tried to hint at some of the reasons for the fact, but you will not take them, so you must just accept the fact in its naked reality.”
As the reader, most would know that Merlyn is preparing Wart to become King Arthur (spoiler alert!). Merlyn, to his credit, has been trying to explain this to Wart all chapter nine:
- “I am sorry,” said Merlyn, “that you should be the only one to get my extra tuition, but then, you see, I was only sent for that.”
- Merlyn said gently, “Perhaps what is good for you might be bad for him. Besides, remember he has never asked to be turned into anything.”
- “You still do not follow what I mean. Suppose he had gone as a merlin last night, and failed in the ordeal, and lost his nerve?”
- I cannot change Kay into things. The power was not deputed to me when I was sent. Why this was so, neither you nor I am able to say, but such remains the fact. I have tried to hint at some of the reasons for the fact, but you will not take them, so you must just accept the fact in its naked reality.
Kay won’t be changed into things. Fact.
In the next few paragraphs, Merlyn will explain his “ordinary” magic of backsight and insight which allow him to “know” things. But, the transformation magic is something special, something just for Wart.
As for Merlyn’s quick trip, we dig deeply into western civilization for this particular funny little part of the story. This also becomes a very popular scene in the Disney movie.
Castor and Pollux were twins. I will oversimplify here, but they were the children (sort of) of Leda and the Swan. Helen, with the ship launching face, was their sister. Castor was a master of horses and Pollux was a boxer. They had many adventures together including saving their sister from Theseus and being part of the Argonauts. When Castor was slain, he was mortal, Pollux asked Zeus to give his (Pollux’s) immortality for his brother. Zeus allowed them to spend alternating days in Hades and Heaven. Gemini is their star cluster.
Christianity seems to have adopted (“baptized” is the phrase we use usually in the History of Christianity class) these brothers. They were the deities for travelers and Saints Peter and Paul inherited this role in Christianity. Some authors, notably Dennis McDonald, believe the twins are the basis for James (son of Zebedee) and John, who are identified as the “Sons of Thunder (Zeus).” Moreover, tying some of this together, the Bible does specifically mention them here:
“After three months we put out to sea in a ship that had wintered in the island—it was an Alexandrian ship with the figurehead of the twin gods Castor and Pollux.”
Acts 28:11 New International Version (NIV)
His hat. Merlyn is missing his hat. Getting his hat back is going to give us some real insights into Merlyn’s magic.
Now please stop talking until I have got my breath back, and my hat.”
The Wart sat quiet while Merlyn closed his eyes and began to mutter to himself. Presently a curious black cylindrical hat appeared on his head. It was a topper.
Merlyn examined it with a look of disgust, said bitterly, “And they call this service!” and handed it back to the air. Finally he stood up in a passion and exclaimed, “Come here!”
The Wart and Archimedes looked at each other, wondering which was meant—Archimedes had been sitting all the while on the window-sill and looking at the view, for, of course, he never left his master—but Merlyn did not pay them any attention.
“Now,” said Merlyn furiously, apparently to nobody, “do you think you are being funny?
“Very well then, why do you do it?
“That is no excuse. Naturally I meant the one I was wearing.
“But wearing now, of course, you fool. I don’t want a hat I was wearing in 1890. Have you no sense of time at all?”
Merlyn took off the sailor hat which had just appeared and held it out to the air for inspection.
“This is an anachronism,” he said severely. “That is what it is, a beastly anachronism.”
Archimedes seemed to be accustomed to these scenes, for he now said in a reasonable voice: “Why don’t you ask for the hat by name, master? Say, ‘I want my magician’s hat,’ not ‘I want the hat I was wearing.’ Perhaps the poor chap finds it as difficult to live backward as you do.”
“I want my magician’s hat,” said Merlyn sulkily.
Instantly the long pointed cone was standing on his head.
This gives us a lot of information about Merlyn’s magical abilities. Since, as we know, he lives “backwards in time,” much of this skills in prophesy and foretelling are due to this gift. He remembers the future and can studies history to find out about his future.
I have, and always will, wonder about the “they” in “they call this service.” Merlyn is talking to someone/something here:
- “Come here.”
- “Now,” said Merlyn furiously, apparently to nobody, “do you think you are being funny?
“Very well then, why do you do it?
“That is no excuse. Naturally I meant the one I was wearing.
“But wearing now, of course, you fool. I don’t want a hat I was wearing in 1890. Have you no sense of time at all?”
- “I want my magician’s hat,” said Merlyn sulkily.
Archimedes, of course, has seen this before and knows how to deal with this situation. Wart and our readers are a completely baffled by this conversation. Merlyn’s magical powers seem to be:
- Transfiguration for Wart…and one instance for himself (the Fish story)· Backsight: his ability to “see the future” because it is his past/history
- Insight: we will be seeing this again in a moment; his ability to know what is going on around him
- Doctor Doolittle power: he can talk to some animals; Wart seems to share this gift and, no, I can’t explain why he has it (see Transfiguration above?)
- The Unseen Helper: the confused assistant we meet here.
- Some level of extended life, perhaps a kind of immortality
Merlyn has a host of other skills: hawking, teaching, general medical knowledge, a depth of understanding in philosophy and other fields (more on this later) and a great grasp of history…as he has lived through so much of it.
Archimedes has his own gifts. In one of the last transfigurations, we will get a lot of information about Archimedes and his Goddess mentor. Of course, a wise talking owl is almost a cliché now with Tootsie Pop commercials and various children’s education examples.
I realize with fantasy fiction, magic is always magical. But, as I read The Sword in the Stone more and more, the magic seems to be part of the background color. Like the knights and jousting in our stories here, magic just seems to be a signpost pointing along the path of our bigger storyline.
This little section does cause some questions about the kind of magic Merlyn uses, but it is enough of an answer to push us along our adventure.
“I want my magician’s hat,” said Merlyn sulkily.
Instantly the long pointed cone was standing on his head.
THE SIFU MIMI CHAN SHOW CREDITS Host: Mimi Chan Intro Music: Mike Relm
Comment Rules: Be Cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!
Disclaimer: I am not a writer. I do not claim to be. Apologies for grammatical mistakes, long drawn out run on sentences, and anything else that drives you crazy. I promise it was not my intention. Be lenient, please
